Category Archives: Weird Food

Dragon Fruit

“This IS a dragon fruit, isn’t it?” I demand of Bethany after Wal Mart’s self-checkout refuses to acknowledge it for the third time.

The Wal Mart employee who has been hovering for the last five minutes (does she think I’m going to steal the thing?) responds instead, “Oh, it is indeed! That is a dragon fruit!”

She politely pushes me aside and begins to type in, “Dr…”

Nothing.

She looks up all the fruit in D. All the fruit in R. All the fruit under fruit.

Dragon fruit is nowhere to be found.

She manually looks up the code for dragon fruit and types it in. Nothing! 

She tries a back, employees-only route for typing in fruit and tries again. Nothing.

We send Bethany to go look up the price. After a second, the Wal Mart employee turns to me, “How much do you think it was?”

I cannot even ballpark guess but I sheepishly suspect more than I wanted to pay. “$2.50?” I offer.

“$2.00 it is,” she says. 

At that moment Bethany shouts from the other side of check out, “$3.99!”

The employee smiles and ignores her. I walk away triumphant with my dragon fruit.

I ate loads of dragon fruit in Thailand. I find it fresh, sweet, and hydrating so I was pretty excited to enjoy it tonight.

It tasted pretty blah after the fresh stuff I was used to in Thailand. Apparently my allergies agreed because five bites in and my tongue began to swell. 

I am currently pumped up on antihistamine feeling disgusted that dragon fruit appears to be going the way of mango and pineapple. Dang allergies.


The Chicken

“The chicken!” exclaims Bethany at 9 pm. 

I look at her in horror, suddenly realizing we left it the oven for over an hour when we only meant to warm it up!

“When did you turn on the oven?” I ask.

“I didn’t!” she says, “didn’t you?”

“No, I thought I asked you to turn on the oven!”

“No, I asked you to!”

We turn to the oven. It remains stone cold. But at this point, neither of us wants to eat. We snacked on hummus and chips while waiting for the chicken to cook. Or really, not cook.

So, no real dinner for us. On the bright side, we didn’t burn the apartment down. 


Craving Spice

People frequently ask me what the best food I ate in Thailand was. I cop out by answering–truthfully–that all food in Thailand is incredibly spicy and that my Anglo-German ancestors gifted me with a very low spice tolerance. 

It takes less explaining than ‘Milk Seafood Ramen.’

But despite my low spice tolerance, I have discovered recently that I miss spicy food. And further, I have no idea where to get it here in Madison. Wal Mart discontinued the closest thing I ate to spicy food pre-Thailand: canned Amy’s Own Spicy Chili. 

I’ve grown eclectic in my attempts to find spicy food. I order sandwiches with jalapenos at the local sandwich cart. Go with sharp cheddar instead of mild when grocery shopping. And sometimes, impulsively buy food clearly targeting the teenage male population, such as “Extra Hot Chili & Lime Pringles.” (You know they are aimed at teenage boys because the packaging comes in neon purple.) 

Alas, none of these things do the trick but they do give me the delightful feeling that I can “handle” spice. 


Wendy’s

My Dad and I went to Wendy’s today. We went inside. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted so initially I did not mind when no one came to take my order, even though I was standing first in line and right next to the register. But after a significant delay, even I began to notice that no one was coming. I could see the employees putting together orders. Just no one came!

Eventually someone noticed the long line growing behind me. Another employee stormed over, shouting over his shoulder as he did: “I have to do EVERYTHING here!” 

He took my order with ill-will. I ordered my meal to go. 

The first person who noticed the line, a manager perhaps, walked over. The employee who took my order kept loudly complaining.

The manager began placing my food on a tray for dining in. I tried catching his eye to mention I was to go. I even said, “Excuse me…” a few times. He could not hear me over the employee. 

Finally, I spoke loud enough and pointed out I was to go. He looked at me blankly for a moment, picked up my fries, and tossed them in the trash.

Then he threw my chicken nuggets in the trash. 

I must have looked shocked. He just shrugged and mumbled something about it being on the counter. Then he got me all new chicken nuggets and fries. 

Meanwhile, the first employee continued his running commentary. “You see? You shout for sour cream, no one does anything. I have to go get it. No one does anything here…”

Employee of the week, that fellow. 


Spoiled Palate

Today my friend and I went out for lunch and I made a horrifying discovery. Thailand spoiled my palate for seafood! 

Or at least, mediocre seafood. 

We ordered shrimp dumplings and ramen with seafood. My friend enjoyed it all. None of it tasted good to me! It tasted frozen, fishy, and not like it came straight from the fisherman!

Because, duh. I live in Wisconsin. Not a coastal city famous for its seafood. 

I suppose I’m pleased to see my tastes improve beyond that of a teenage boy. But it sure feels impractical. I’ve been spoiled! 


Cooking with my Sister

I’ve been known for my odd cooking choices. But my sister is always finding quirky recipes! So you’d think we would blend some way, wouldn’t you? 

This is how mac n cheese went.

Me: “If we don’t have milk, we can use the coconut milk.”

Sister: “Gross.”

Me: “It will make it sweet! Then we add kimchi. Sweet and spicy.”

Sister: “Rejected.”

Me: “You know what we should mix with this butter? Onions!”

Sister: “No.”

Me: “Oh yeah, our mac n cheese needs onions and kimchi…maybe some garlic…” 

Sister: “Someday, you’re going to have your own restaurant and serve all this weird food that no one else would think to try. And no one in your family will go.”


Milk Seafood Cup Ramen

Image result for milk seafood  tsunami

“Milk seafood” sounds absolutely terrible. How could I resist? 

Weirdly, though, it was actually really good! I think I would rank it in top 3 best cup ramens I’ve found. It actually tasted like the ingredients belonged together. Looks like there is also a “Volcano Cheese” flavor. I must find it!