Category Archives: Weird Food

“Cauli Hot Cereal”

When I eat my oatmeal, I do not tend to think, “You know what would make a great substitute? Cauliflower.” 

And I certainly wouldn’t think “strawberry hazelnut” when then thinking of flavors to add to the cauliflower. 

But you know what? It is actually pretty delicious. It was fairly crunchy which might have meant I cooked it incorrectly, but I thought the crunch added good texture. The hazelnut provided a nice, nutty aftertaste and the strawberries kept things sweet. And with 8 grams of protein, this makes for a nice breakfast or lunch. I’ll definitely be getting this again. 


Really Supportive Qdoba Employee

Bethany and I went to Qdoba for dinner tonight. She got a normal employee. I got a cheerleader. 

Qdoba Employee (QE): “What can I get you today?”

Me: “Burrito bowl, please.”

QE: “Excellent decision. White beans?”

I was about to ask for black beans but glancing through the glass I realized there weren’t any black beans, just pinto beans. “Surreeee,” I said.

But the QE noticed my hesitation. He turned to his co-worker who was refilling the black beans. “You TOOK THE BEANS SHE WANTED. Give those back. She’s getting black beans.” 

*QE begins dumping chicken into my bowl*

*pause*

“You want chicken?”

Me: “Yep.”

QE: “Oh good, because I couldn’t remember what meat you asked for. Veggies or queso?”

Me: “Both.”

QE: “Danggggg. One or two scoops of guacamole?” 

Me: “Two.”

QE: “AWESOME. Chips?”

Me: “Uh…”

QE: “You want chips. They come with the burrito bowl.”

Then, seeing his co-coworker’s eye-roll, “HEY, I like to be encouraging, okay?”


In Which I Cook. Sort of.

I do not cook often and when I do it generally means I have a bunch of things in the fridge that I feel obliged to use up. Like tofu.

Sometimes, this works well. I learned how to make kimchi fried rice and that usually takes care of a lot of leftover ingredients. Other times…it works less well. And still other times (i.e. tonight), it looks gross but tastes okay. 

Well, it tasted overpoweringly of garlic, but I like garlic so I consider that okay. Whether or not I will convince Bethany to try a bite when she comes home is another story. 

But we had tofu and eggs that were starting to go bad and loads of broth from when I had the stomach flu so I mixed it all together. I dumped a ton of garlic in a pot, added the weird vegan broth, added an entire block of tofu, and concluded with three eggs. It made for a very interesting mixture. The consistency was not quite soup-like because there was so much tofu but tofu isn’t exactly chewy so it still was a mushy combination. 

And did I mention it mostly just tasted like garlic? 

At the same time, looking over that ingredient list, I feel super healthy. So it has that going for it. And it wasn’t as bad as my potatoes and pasta fiasco junior year of college so anything that tops that is a winner in my book.


Dragon Fruit

“This IS a dragon fruit, isn’t it?” I demand of Bethany after Wal Mart’s self-checkout refuses to acknowledge it for the third time.

The Wal Mart employee who has been hovering for the last five minutes (does she think I’m going to steal the thing?) responds instead, “Oh, it is indeed! That is a dragon fruit!”

She politely pushes me aside and begins to type in, “Dr…”

Nothing.

She looks up all the fruit in D. All the fruit in R. All the fruit under fruit.

Dragon fruit is nowhere to be found.

She manually looks up the code for dragon fruit and types it in. Nothing! 

She tries a back, employees-only route for typing in fruit and tries again. Nothing.

We send Bethany to go look up the price. After a second, the Wal Mart employee turns to me, “How much do you think it was?”

I cannot even ballpark guess but I sheepishly suspect more than I wanted to pay. “$2.50?” I offer.

“$2.00 it is,” she says. 

At that moment Bethany shouts from the other side of check out, “$3.99!”

The employee smiles and ignores her. I walk away triumphant with my dragon fruit.

I ate loads of dragon fruit in Thailand. I find it fresh, sweet, and hydrating so I was pretty excited to enjoy it tonight.

It tasted pretty blah after the fresh stuff I was used to in Thailand. Apparently my allergies agreed because five bites in and my tongue began to swell. 

I am currently pumped up on antihistamine feeling disgusted that dragon fruit appears to be going the way of mango and pineapple. Dang allergies.


The Chicken

“The chicken!” exclaims Bethany at 9 pm. 

I look at her in horror, suddenly realizing we left it the oven for over an hour when we only meant to warm it up!

“When did you turn on the oven?” I ask.

“I didn’t!” she says, “didn’t you?”

“No, I thought I asked you to turn on the oven!”

“No, I asked you to!”

We turn to the oven. It remains stone cold. But at this point, neither of us wants to eat. We snacked on hummus and chips while waiting for the chicken to cook. Or really, not cook.

So, no real dinner for us. On the bright side, we didn’t burn the apartment down. 


Craving Spice

People frequently ask me what the best food I ate in Thailand was. I cop out by answering–truthfully–that all food in Thailand is incredibly spicy and that my Anglo-German ancestors gifted me with a very low spice tolerance. 

It takes less explaining than ‘Milk Seafood Ramen.’

But despite my low spice tolerance, I have discovered recently that I miss spicy food. And further, I have no idea where to get it here in Madison. Wal Mart discontinued the closest thing I ate to spicy food pre-Thailand: canned Amy’s Own Spicy Chili. 

I’ve grown eclectic in my attempts to find spicy food. I order sandwiches with jalapenos at the local sandwich cart. Go with sharp cheddar instead of mild when grocery shopping. And sometimes, impulsively buy food clearly targeting the teenage male population, such as “Extra Hot Chili & Lime Pringles.” (You know they are aimed at teenage boys because the packaging comes in neon purple.) 

Alas, none of these things do the trick but they do give me the delightful feeling that I can “handle” spice. 


Wendy’s

My Dad and I went to Wendy’s today. We went inside. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted so initially I did not mind when no one came to take my order, even though I was standing first in line and right next to the register. But after a significant delay, even I began to notice that no one was coming. I could see the employees putting together orders. Just no one came!

Eventually someone noticed the long line growing behind me. Another employee stormed over, shouting over his shoulder as he did: “I have to do EVERYTHING here!” 

He took my order with ill-will. I ordered my meal to go. 

The first person who noticed the line, a manager perhaps, walked over. The employee who took my order kept loudly complaining.

The manager began placing my food on a tray for dining in. I tried catching his eye to mention I was to go. I even said, “Excuse me…” a few times. He could not hear me over the employee. 

Finally, I spoke loud enough and pointed out I was to go. He looked at me blankly for a moment, picked up my fries, and tossed them in the trash.

Then he threw my chicken nuggets in the trash. 

I must have looked shocked. He just shrugged and mumbled something about it being on the counter. Then he got me all new chicken nuggets and fries. 

Meanwhile, the first employee continued his running commentary. “You see? You shout for sour cream, no one does anything. I have to go get it. No one does anything here…”

Employee of the week, that fellow.