It is 10:16 am and I have yet to have my morning coffee. This strikes me as a very poor time to write a blog post. But it is also the only downtime I have today so if I’m going to post anything more substantial than, “Going AWOL till Monday. Will fill you in later”…this is it.
(I just took a sip. Reason slowly breaks through the fog of my brain.)
I met with a 1L yesterday (for coffee! I love coffee.) As I reminisced about the horrors of my first year of law school, I remembered that I gave up coffee for those first 3 months or so. At the time everyone was like, “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!”
And to be honest, even now I am like “WHAT WAS I THINKING?!”
(Another sip. Ahhh, warm and delicious.)
But I was drowning and just trying to survive. My anxiety already spiked through the roof on a daily basis, I did not need a caffeine shot to help it.
Today I met with a fellow 3L (it was supposed to be for coffee but I could not find parking so we literally drove around for 40 minutes and missed the coffee-getting window. Why do I live in a city?!)
We reminisced about how awful 1L year was. And then how terrible 2L year turned out to be. Then with a sigh, we shrugged and switched to which state bar to take.
(Three sips in an I’m almost human.)
Lawyers often told me growing up not to go to law school. I was always deeply offended by it. ‘There is no other way to become a lawyer except by going to law school,’ I would think angrily. ‘What unreasonable advice you give!’
But now I understand it. I try not to give the same advice I heard because, honestly, it only made me more stubborn and determined to go. But I understand that the words did not come from a place of job security or mockery. They were genuinely trying to save me from some pretty miserable experiences.
Yet we go through pain to grow. I don’t think I would repeat 1L and 2L year even if you paid me. (I mean, knowing what I know now it would probably be easier but I am presuming I would repeat without knowing what I know now.) But I don’t regret who I am for having gone through it.
At least, not today.
Check back in once I’m actually graduated. Or finished my cup of coffee.