Tag Archives: busy

Finding Time

Today I applied for jobs. I wrote cover letters, updated my resume, stalked employers. 

And you know what that means I didn’t do?

Study.

Vaguely I realize I need to read The Prince for class (and discussion groups!) Monday, finish giving feedback on the law review article I was assigned, track down my group-mates for the project we have Tuesday, actually do the readings for the project we have Tuesday, read for Crim Pro, and…oh yeah, I made a pact with myself at the beginnign of the semester to review my notes from each class at the end of the week so I am not re-learning everything come finals. And hey, if I had a few extra hours to put in at work this weekend, they could use it. 

And don’t I have a blog post to write…? Preferably before 11 pm? (Too late.)

But instead today I applied to jobs. And I took my sister grocery shopping. And I didn’t do laundry so at some point tomorrow I am going to need to figure that out. 

My schedule always looks so good on paper. I think to myself ‘why don’t you have more time?’ 

This is why

I forget important things like “oh yeah, I need to figure out post-grad employment.” (For the record, I’m way more calm about this than the professor I TA for, who asked me on Wednesday if I still had hope of finding a job. Eek. I hope so.) 


Quadruple Booked

The problem with scheduling every waking moment of your day is that inevitably you forget and book something else for the same time. Or three something elses. 

I triple booked myself Friday. (Meeting-seminar-work.)

I quadruple booked myself today.

First, I have a night class. I have had a night class the last 6 weeks. I have no idea how I forgot it. 

Second, I agreed to chaperone a movie night. I find it hilarious that I am requested to chaperone college kids until I realize I’m 6-8 years older than most of the students anyway. And that makes me feel old. 

Third, the city chapter of the Federalist Society hosted a social event for us Fed Soc students. It included two Wisconsin Supreme Court Justices. I got to chat with both of them. Let me tell you how it went: 

Me to Justice 1: “I fangirled so hard when your decision came out. Like, I told everyone about it. It was the best! I really loved it. Your due process argument was so good! I’m such a fan!” 

*Judge 1 looks faintly alarmed and begins to slowly back away* 

Meanwhile

Judge 2: “Have we met before?”

Me: “Oh yes, I was president last year.”

Judge 2: “Where are you working now?”

Me: “Still a student.”

Him: “…”

Me: “…”

Him: “…”

Me: “…”

* this goes on for about thirty seconds*

Clearly I made a meaningful impression on both.

Fourth and finally, I agreed to pick up my sister from work. At least, I think I did. Possibly she just announced I was picking her up. At any rate, when I told her I had a busy day ahead of me, she just glanced up briefly from her phone and said:

“Just don’t be late.” 


Killing Perfectionism

I sort of tumble through Tuesdays as a general rule of thumb but today felt particularly bad. I actually did the readings for my first class but when the professor called on me, I hadn’t a clue what the answer was. Unfortunately, it proved to be a rather vital point so he pointed at me every time it came up for the rest of class. 

I had about an hour till my second class and I planned to read for it beforehand. But turns out I left my textbook at home. And as it happens, this professor cold calls so I had to own up to not doing the reading so I wouldn’t get called on. It is quite demoralizing to admit to someone that even though you’ve had an entire week to do the readings, you didn’t. 

Then my third class. I did the reading. It didn’t matter; I barely understand a word of Immigration Law. 

And then finally my fourth class, where I don’t have the textbook yet so I didn’t read for it. 

It doesn’t sound too bad listing it like that. But when you add in trying to prep for discussion groups tomorrow and wrapping up a project for my Foundation job and the guilty knowledge that final edits on my law review article are due and, oh, any other number of e-mails and projects slipping out of my grasp….it feels exhausting. 

And I am reminded that every semester I tell myself I won’t listen to the perfectionist in my head. I will do what I can and make the best of how it turns out. But it still stings. I want to do it all. I want to be perfectly prepared for class. I want As. I want to turn in perfect work assignments and spout wisdom to my students and somehow maintain a social life and be a good big sister while I’m at it. 

And I just can’t. I need to intentionally give up my expectations. Physically set them aside and say ‘no.’ So I do. And once I do I think I’m done for good. But no, it sneaks back. Again and again and again. The pressure to Do Better. To be perfect. 

And then I go and forget my textbook at home. 

I don’t know what this semester will bring. I hoped it would be less than last year. From a pure “listing” of things, it is less. But being a 3L comes with new types of responsibility. (If I’m even a 3L, as Thailand hasn’t sent my official transcript to the law school yet so as far as any formal records show, I’m a semester behind and still a 2L…but that’s a rant for another day.) 

I know there is an entire spiritual element missing from this post. God pours many blessings into my life. And sometimes I do recognize and appreciate that fact. But if I’m honest, perfectionism hurts me in my spiritual journey as much as anywhere. I don’t live up to the goals I set for myself. I don’t read the Bible or pray nearly as much as I should. And so I just let that weigh on me, yet another “extra” that doesn’t get accomplished. 

It isn’t so much a battle with perfectionism as a war. Some battles perfectionism wins. Some I win. And some days, like today, it ends in a draw because I’m too tired and confused to process anything. 


De-stressing My Life

My Mom, my best friends, and my doctor have all strongly hinted that I need to take stuff off my overburdened plate and de-stress my life. I agree; I just haven’t known how. I’ve talked myself in circles justifying every thing I do. 

Today, however, was a bit of a wake up call. My boss told me he was giving me fewer tasks to complete since he felt I was too busy with other things. I had forwarded him a paper I wrote for school and he told me it read like I was running out the door. Which I was. Accordingly, he concluded I needed less work.

It wasn’t meant meanly. If anything, he did what no one else has been able to do…he saw how burdened I was and took it upon himself to lessen my load. 

But you see, that’s work and work is fun. Work is not where I want to give stuff up. It has forced me to reevaluate – again – what I’m all doing. I came home and basically surrendered most of my authority in the club where I am president. And I have decided if people don’t pick up the slack I’m just going to flat out quit. 

I can’t do it all.

I want to do it all.

This is a very difficult balance to find.


Books Vs. Time

I have barely read anything since the month of April began and I am seriously stressed out by that. I had a nice lead on my 2017 Reading Challenge and it is slowly dwindling away. To combat this, I have gone to the library several times and checked out a plethora of books. 

The thing is, that is not where the problem lies. It isn’t that I do not want to read, it is that I do not have time to read. While I know that, I don’t like acknowledging it. It is so much easier to think, ‘Oh, I just need to find the right book to get me reading,’ than it is to think, ‘I need to manage my time better if I want to read later.’

However, I have been very responsible and have not been reading. My overflowing library basket can attest to that! 

EDIT: Also, full disclosure, I’ve been watching more K Dramas than normal so that might also play a part in this.