Tag Archives: funny

Background Music

I could not decide whether or not to go to Bible study tonight. Heavy snow, unplowed roads,  and a pile of law review articles needing screening argued against it. But on the flip side, I’m missing trivia this week and trivia and Bible study make up my social life. 

I crept up the stairs in the hallway outside my apartment to get a better look at the weather. A sense of melancholy filled me. I thought about my lack of social interaction this week and the long, dark future stretching before me…

And then I realized that my future was in Spanish and the stirring, melancholic music in my head was not in my head but coming from my neighbor’s apartment.

I’m not really sure if that means I secretly think my life is a movie worthy of background music or if I just always hear melodramatic music when making minor life decisions. Probably both. 


Shopping Where You Work

My sister works at Hobby Lobby and today she accidentally showed up for work an hour early. She decided to take advantage of the extra time and do some shopping. 

But retail.

On a Saturday.  

It proved distracting. I can’t resist sharing some of her stories: 

  1. “This old lady was going down the aisle in Spring and she kept picking an item off the shelf, looking at it, and putting it down on a lower shelf. And she’d pick it up and put it down, pick up another item, put it down. So I started walking behind, putting things back where they belong. Somehow she didn’t notice that I was following putting things back for the entire aisle.”
  2. “This woman went up to my co-worker and started complaining that an item was marked for $29.99 on the website but in the store was marked $69.99. So I walked over and looked up the item online with my phone and told her it was $69.99 online. She got super huffy and stormed off. It didn’t occur to me till afterwards that I wasn’t wearing a vest so I looked like another customer butting in on her complaint.”
  3. “The woman in line in front me of me at checkout was getting huffy since we only had two registers open besides Cindy, who was closed and counting her drawer, and the lady in line turned to me to complain, like ‘why aren’t there more registers open’ and I told it was because Cindy’s shift just ended. I don’t think she expected an actual answer.” 

Trivia Confessions

People assume that because I read an enormous amount, I am good at trivia. 

Fun fact: I am not good at trivia. 

At least, not bar trivia. I know nothing of sports, pop culture, geography, or music. And guess which topics dominate? 

Some friends invite me every few weeks to join their trivia group and I go and I usually provide nothing to the team. At most I can claim a knowledge of history, but one of my teammates is a far bigger history buff than I am and usually knows the answer. (Though, actually, once, several glorious months ago, I answered a sports question: it was pole vaulting. And I suppose the one time a law question came up, I got that too) 

But last night…I did it. I knew the answer to the question and no one else at my table did. Such a moment of triumph. And the category? Literature

So if you ever need someone who can recognize an Emily Dickinson poem at your trivia night, I’m your woman. 


Personalities On The Bus

You would not think it, but 8:30 pm is a pretty sketchy time to take the bus. It smells like pot and body odor. Tonight, though, it proved pretty entertaining. A certain individual had clearly taken allllllllllll the drugs and was uttering nuggets of, er, wisdom. Here were a few of his utterances. (No transition between them in person!)  

  • “Forget Madison! Let’s go to Canada and live in my mansion!”
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  • “No one says anything because no one thinks anything, but I talk anyway because it is about the experience you bring.”
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  • “Math is funny. All phone numbers are composed of the same numbers.”
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  • “Where we are going you need to be smarter than the dog behind the fence. You need to get around the fence. But the dog can’t. Madison is the fence. And it is just like Madison, Tennessee.”
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  • “I believe that everyone believes in anything. But I also believe in everything.”
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  • “Beware of fruit drinks. Believe me, man. You are talking to a global warrior.”

Wrap Battle

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My sister got me hooked on this TV show: Wrap Battle. 

Basically, a bunch of people wrap different gifts under a time constraint and get eliminated one by one until only one wrapper remains! 

Now my idea of gift wrapping is to use so much wrapping paper it looks like a pillow. 

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But these people are seriously obsessive and detailed and I quickly got sucked into the drama. Wrapping paper! Who would think!


Really Supportive Qdoba Employee

Bethany and I went to Qdoba for dinner tonight. She got a normal employee. I got a cheerleader. 

Qdoba Employee (QE): “What can I get you today?”

Me: “Burrito bowl, please.”

QE: “Excellent decision. White beans?”

I was about to ask for black beans but glancing through the glass I realized there weren’t any black beans, just pinto beans. “Surreeee,” I said.

But the QE noticed my hesitation. He turned to his co-worker who was refilling the black beans. “You TOOK THE BEANS SHE WANTED. Give those back. She’s getting black beans.” 

*QE begins dumping chicken into my bowl*

*pause*

“You want chicken?”

Me: “Yep.”

QE: “Oh good, because I couldn’t remember what meat you asked for. Veggies or queso?”

Me: “Both.”

QE: “Danggggg. One or two scoops of guacamole?” 

Me: “Two.”

QE: “AWESOME. Chips?”

Me: “Uh…”

QE: “You want chips. They come with the burrito bowl.”

Then, seeing his co-coworker’s eye-roll, “HEY, I like to be encouraging, okay?”


Point of the Semester Where All I Know Are Memes

These will probably make no sense but basically my life is one long law school meme for the next few weeks. Also, I belong to a lot of meme pages. And finding these was more fun than studying.

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But most accurately me right now…

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