I have a problem.
I love shiny, new opportunities.
Or maybe even dull, old opportunities.
I realized that today after I got off the call with an experienced attorney and friend of mine who asked if I had looked into clerking for a judge. (I guess this is the part where I inform all of you like I did him that I did, got far in the interview process, and did not get the clerkship.) I thought I reconciled myself to not choosing that path. But hanging up the phone with him, I found the little voice in my head went into overdrive.
What if, what if, what if. What if I’m settling. What if I don’t even know it. What if something better is just around the bend and I’m missing it because I’m not putting in just a teeny bit more effort.
And my day wasn’t done. A few minutes later I got an e-mail from a former employer of mine. In essence, he asked “Are you committed to your current job yet? Because if not, I have a really incredible job opportunity…Wouldn’t want to steal you if you had committed though…”
Ohohohohohohohohohohoho was I intrigued.
I politely said I was committed but thank you for thinking of me.
Inside though my sense of adventure pricked up its ears like a hound dog. New, new, new, new, new.
New adventures! New unknowns! New opportunities! Why am I caging myself in?!
It is funny because often on this blog I bemoan change. I talk about how frustrated I feel moving frequently. About church hopping because I’m rarely in one city consistently. About missing stuff because I’m off chasing an adventure.
I feel like it is a constant war inside of me. Stability versus adventure. But my friend gave me some good advice while I bemoaned my frustration with saying no to new opportunities.
“Contentment is a virtue that takes work.”
And so, even though my itch for the unknown threatens to overwhelm me, I’m going to ignore it. Because I’m excited for the new in front of me. I’m excited for my new job. And I’m excited for the summer and another apartment in Madison. This may not look like new opportunity, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t new. And it is good. It is good even though I don’t feel content, because contentment is a virtue that takes work.