Tag Archives: life


Today was unusually full of people for me. My boss actually came in to work (he volunteers so that isn’t intended to be as passive aggressive a statement as it sounds) and then I was in a brainstorming meeting that lasted almost 4 hours. And then I went and visited a friend and her kids!

And by golly if I wasn’t hoarse by the time I got back!

But it was lovely to talk and see my friends and visit, however briefly. And if that means I turn into a chatterbox…well, have to get it all out! I never know when I will see people next!

9 Years Blogging

WordPress informs me today marks 9 years of blogging. Crazy thought–it feels both longer and shorter.

My first blog wasn’t Fernweh’s Call, but actually Out of the Air, a blog in conjunction with two good friends in high school. (Our last post was in 2013…). A quick review shows that I wrote most of the posts. (No surprise there.)

Those were heady times. I wanted to be a columnist for Townhall so I mostly wrote about politics. They were pretty good. Actually, looking back, I can’t think of any posts on this blog I connect with as much as those did those. From ‘Associating with Cheeseheads’ to ‘What Uganda Warlord?’ I remember feeling on fire with each of my posts.

And I remember my Dad telling me maybe I should think about shortening them ūüėČ

In the spirit of that advice, I shall leave my reminiscences here.

“First” Day of Work!

I am officially a salary woman again! I started my new position today as Counsel and Director of Development at the Foundation.

And I spent the day on my couch in my PJs, much like every day since quarantine started. My boss is out of town and work is still on lockdown. Exciting stuff.

But hey, it is a start.

Days Off

I’ve been rather lackadaisical since taking my last exam. I keep telling myself I will do the things I pushed off while finishing this past semester, but then I don’t do the things. It has reached the point where my friend sent me this meme and said: this is you.

And she’s not wrong. But also…ouch?

The Allure of New

I have a problem.

I love shiny, new opportunities. 

Or maybe even dull, old opportunities. 

I realized that today after I got off the call with an experienced attorney and friend of mine who asked if I had looked into clerking for a judge. (I guess this is the part where I inform all of you like I did him that I did, got far in the interview process, and did not get the clerkship.) I thought I reconciled myself to not choosing that path. But hanging up the phone with him, I found the little voice in my head went into overdrive. 

What if, what if, what if. What if I’m settling. What if I don’t even know it. What if something better is just around the bend and I’m missing it because I’m not putting in just a teeny bit more effort.¬†

And my day wasn’t done. A few minutes later I got an e-mail from a former employer of mine. In essence, he asked “Are you committed to your current job yet? Because if not, I have a really incredible job opportunity…Wouldn’t want to steal you if you had committed though…”

Ohohohohohohohohohohoho was I intrigued. 

I politely said I was committed but thank you for thinking of me.

Inside though my sense of adventure pricked up its ears like a hound dog. New, new, new, new, new.

New adventures! New unknowns! New opportunities! Why am I caging myself in?!

It is funny because often on this blog I bemoan change. I talk about how frustrated I feel moving frequently. About church hopping because I’m rarely in one city consistently. About missing stuff because I’m off chasing an adventure.

I feel like it is a constant war inside of me. Stability versus adventure. But my friend gave me some good advice while I bemoaned my frustration with saying no to new opportunities.

“Contentment is a virtue that takes work.”¬†

And so, even though my itch for the unknown threatens to overwhelm me, I’m going to ignore it. Because I’m excited for the new in front of me. I’m excited for my new job. And I’m excited for the summer and another apartment in Madison. This may not look like new opportunity, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t new. And it is good. It is good even though I don’t feel content, because contentment is a virtue that takes work.¬†

Quarantine Rambles

I don’t have much to say today, though I feel like I should. It was a very long day. I dropped the car off at a mechanic’s bright and early and took the bus home. It was an interesting experience. I was the only rider.¬†

Then a day full of juggling work and TAing. As stated yesterday, we studied Marx. It actually went better than expected. My favorite moment was when a student sighed in frustration at a particularly dramatic conclusion and said, “Ugh, where is this even coming from?! Citation needed.” Which is exactly how I feel.

I had a meeting I couldn’t attend for the Foundation because it conflicted with TAing and another meeting at noon that I could only jump on for five minutes. And then I had one tonight I missed because I simply forgot about it.¬†

Plus prep for class tomorrow (my second to last day of law classes!!!) and picking up my car (much fuller bus ride) and grocery shopping (carbs don’t count during finals.)¬†

And now I feel sleepy and content and like I’m drowning in things I didn’t get done. But just getting out of the apartment did me good. It felt a bit like a return to normal.

And best highlight of all, my Mom found my missing Entrepreneur Barbie! (Career of the year in 2014!) So, that totally made my day. Soon she shall return to her rightful place next to President and Vice President Barbie on my desk. 

Now if only I could find my President Pez dispensers…

Is Pez Trying to Sugarcoat American History? - The Atlantic


The Apartment Hunt (And Other Reflections On Life)

I used to love apartment hunting. When I first moved to Madison, few things gave me as much joy as plotting my inevitable release from the one bedroom apartment I shared with two other people. I loved touring apartments. I loved spending hours on different websites comparing layouts and designs. It felt so grown up.

But I have to admit, as I contemplate my 17th move in 8 years, I am thoroughly sick of apartment hunting. 

I think it is mostly moving around Madison. For the, like, half a second when I thought I was moving to Texas, the new adventure stirred me with excitement and I probably would have jumped in with enthusiasm. But as I’m fairly committed to Wisconsin for at least the next year, no new adventure exists. I know the housing options in Madison. I’ve studied them carefully. And I know what it will cost to exit student housing into the “real world.” Eek.¬†

I tried passing off the apartment hunt on Bethany, but she demonstrates extreme indifference towards where we live, so there went that plan. (Actually, I take that back. She is quite opinionated if I suggest a place she considers cheap, sketchy, or somehow uninteresting. But don’t expect her to locate a place on her own. It won’t happen. Sorry. That sounds passive aggressive. She truly is a good roommate. I like living with my sister. But did I mention I’m sick of apartment hunting?)¬†

So, I’m back to apartment hunting. If I want to torture myself, I sometimes look at townhouses for sale instead and imagine having a place that is mine. A place where I can paint the walls or tear up the carpet or replace the shelving. A place that means permanence and roots.¬†

It is a weird dichotomy. On the one hand, I crave the adventure that comes with somewhere new. On the other, I’m getting a little tired of new. I’ve done new a lot. I’ve done Tennessee, England, Idaho, Colorado, and Thailand. And Wisconsin. A lot of places in Wisconsin.¬†

It comes down to impatience, mostly. I’m e-mailing with an apartment complex now. I think the person I am talking to checks their e-mail once a day. At least, that’s the response rate. And I’m impatient. I want to just apply and move forward already. But I also have questions.¬†

So goes life. I want to know what I am doing post-August. I want to live in a place I won’t move from in a month, or half a year, or a year. I want a job that says permanence. Because I’m impatient and sometimes forget I’m only 26.¬†

The process of becoming is a challenging one. Whether it means impatience in housing, impatience in education, impatience in social distancing, I just want to move forward. But the becoming is important. Through the angst, I develop the person I am. The person I will become. I learn the lesson I’m supposed to learn. But gosh darn it, sometimes I wish I’d just learn it already.¬†

I named this blog “fernweh,” meaning homesickness for the abroad. Sometimes, though, I feel the opposite. I feel homesickness for the familiar. I wish I’d just settle, plant roots, and be content. But always in that feeling, I feel the itch. The itch for new. The itch for other.¬†

And so I apartment hunt. Because maybe tomorrow someone, somewhere, will list something that somehow combines my desire for ‘new’ with my desire for ‘home.’¬†

And, wow, does that feel like an angsty way to end this post. But I’m feeling angsty today! I promise to calm down once I’ve settled on a new apartment.¬†

Social Distancing (And Wal Mart Adventures)

How’s social distancing going? Today I broke my plastic hair-pin-lace loom by using too much force. Didn’t even know that was possible. I now have a quarter-finished scarf.¬†

Bethany decided I needed to get out of the apartment. (Actually, she decided we were out of chocolate and she wanted to go grocery shopping but she still doesn’t drive.)¬†

 So we went to Wal Mart.

On the bright side, the shelves are better stocked than they were. We saw toilet paper and hand soap. Still a lot of empty shelf space, though. 

It was surprisingly crowded. Wal Mart had signs everywhere encouraging  people to stand 6 feet apart and periodically made announcements over the speaker to tell people to go  home if sick and even if healthy, stay 6 feet apart. Which, lets face it, is nearly impossible in such crowded aisles. 

But it does lead to two extreme reactions in shoppers. The first type look horrified if you venture down the same aisle as them (even if on the other side of the aisle) and give you furtive glares every few seconds. The second type look amused at their daring in coming close to you. As soon as they break the 6 feet, they grin and look mischievous. 

I don’t know that either reaction is an improvement.¬†


I have not heard back from the interview I mentioned a few days ago, but I did get a promotion at work! I am officially the Foundation’s Director of Development. I am pretty excited for the opportunity. I have fancy business cards and everything!¬†

In other news, today kicked off spring break! Soooo ready to for the next few days of rest and catch-up. 

A Very Important Interview

Tomorrow I have a Very Important Interview. If you happen to think of it around 2pm central tomorrow, send up a prayer for me. 

My emotions have been a bit all over the place. Initially I felt nothing but panic. Something along the lines of

Image result for I didn't expect to get this far

And then I felt excitement! What a cool opportunity!

And then I asked my career adviser what some sample questions might look like and she sent me an entire web page. Now I feel intimated and 3 steps behind already. (It seems I should have skipped class and had the interview IMMEDIATELY.) 

So, we shall see. I will let you know how it goes. 

(I apologize for keeping this intentionally vague.)