Tag Archives: love

The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis

As a speed reader, I think one of my greatest weaknesses comes from how fast I digest information. No sooner have I read something worth chewing over than I’ve moved on to something else. So, when I find an author who forces me to stop and ponder, I value that author immensely.

C.S. Lewis has always been one of those authors. I picked up The Weight of Glory, which is a sermon he wrote, about three weeks ago and have yet to get any farther than the first paragraph. There is just so much to unpack. Here is how it starts: 

“If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love.”

If you haven’t read the sermon already, I highly recommend checking it out and reading along with me! It is 9 pages long and available as a pdf here.

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Thailand Church Goodbye

My final days in Thailand left me feeling very loved by my church family. 

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It wasn’t necessarily anything specific…

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Shopping, laughter, extra messages asking when I’m leaving or what my last days looked like. 

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But they made me feel loved and seen. I even got a shout out in church. 

And though there isn’t a lot I would say I miss about Thailand, my church there is definitely one thing. 

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I cannot imagine the last few months without them. They became my family. ❤


Mother’s Day From Thailand

Living in Thailand, I often feel sapped and brittle, one misadventure away from finally snapping. But when those moments happen, I have one person I can turn to who will fill me with grace and encouragement to keep going: my Mom. I’m grateful for all the friends and family who have encouraged me over this past semester and really blessed me. But heading the group, hands down, is my Mom. 

So this Mother’s Day, I just want to recognize the woman who is in my corner no matter what. She supports me no matter how far away I move and loves me through all my varying emotions, frustrations, and adventures. She points me towards God with her actions and words. I’m so grateful for the Godly, wonderful woman who is my Mother! She is the best!

 


Happy Birthday, Mom!

9 (Out of a Million) Reasons I’m Thankful For My Mom: (in no particular order)

  1. She loves me regardless. 
  2. She supports all my crazy adventures. 
  3. She buys me food.
  4. She listens when I ramble.
  5. She almost always knows the answer – even if the answer means letting me sort it out on my own. 
  6. She reads my blog and occasionally reminds me to share it with the rest of the world.
  7. She tells me what she’s thinking about.
  8. She rocks at her job! 
  9. She rocks at being a Mom.

(I know she will read this, shake her head, and deny she rocks at her job, but really does. And she better not deny she rocks at being a Mom because she has 5 successful children that say otherwise.) 


Nephew <3

My nephew was born yesterday!! He’s the cutest little chunker ever. (Over 9 pounds!) Both my sister-in-law and baby are doing well. I got to hold him today and he is so precious. With 2 loving parents, 9 aunts and uncles, 4 grandparents, and a great many more great-grandparents, great aunts and uncles, first cousins once removed, and second cousins (not to mention all the friends and acquaintances of the above named people) to dote on him, I challenge you to find a more loved little boy right now! 

Welcome to the world, Baby Bucky! We’ve been eagerly awaiting you. 


Why I Make Time For An Internship

“Nerd,” chortles my boss, as I gush about my classes this coming semester. “Who is excited about administrative law?”

He is, for one. His words hold no sting. Administrative law is his passion. Any enthusiasm I show pales in comparison to the years he has poured into crafting laws and writing briefs.

Unlike last January, when I started working for him enthusiastically but wholly ignorant, I now know our cases and the arguments used to support them. Or at least, I think I do. My boss loads me down with easily a thousand pages of new cases and law review articles to read to catch me up to speed. Even with my speed-reading ability, this is going to take a while. But I don’t mind.

I love it. I love the mountain of paperwork and the uncharted arguments. I love overcoming my ignorance. I love the dense sentences that take three or four reads to understand. I love it because when I do understand, a whole new world opens before me. I learn why this topic matters. I learn to care.

I love it because I truly learn, a feeling I do not get from my classes at law school. Perhaps it is the institutional nature of school. Perhaps it is the textbooks with their carefully edited cases. Perhaps it is simply the difference between studying a topic in breadth versus in depth. I do not know.

What I do know is that if a professor tried to give me this much reading, I would howl in despair. My boss does it, and I’m delighted.

That’s why I find the time for an internship, for a chance to get out of the law school. If my world only revolved around school and extra-curricular activities, I think I would go insane. Law school may educate me, but it does not get my blood boiling. Working in the real world does. Knowing what I am doing matters does. Working with people who love their work does. It is a reminder of why I am in law school; a shove to get through the next day, the next week, the next year.

It is a reminder that this is what I get to do when I graduate. This is what makes it all worth it.

 


Unpacking the Summer

At the end of my adventures in Idaho last summer, I wrote a blog post where I talked about finding a new side of myself. I, bookworm and indoor aficionado,  learned to sleep under the stars, hike for fun, and white water raft. Part of the appeal of going to Colorado this past summer was the idea of further developing this new side of myself. 

And in a way, it was. I camped. I hiked. I white water rafted. (It is a lot more fun without the raft of paranoid middle school girls.) 

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Yet looking back, I would not say this was a summer of discovery. Rather, it became something more precious: a summer of remembering. 

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Law school is stressful. It is a melting pot of emotions and nuances and feeling like a failure. I emerged war-torn and exhausted. Going to Colorado felt like a terrible idea. As the weeks leading up to my departure became days, I kept wondering if Young Life would really would miss me too much if I just…didn’t go? After all, they’d told me there were two legal interns. Maybe they didn’t need me?

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I knew better than to bail last minute, though, so I got on my plane, read 4 books, and started a truly amazing internship. What made it amazing? 

  • I had work that mattered and that I loved. 
  • I worked with incredible people who made me feel loved. 
  • I lived with 8, wonderful, sometimes crazy women who loved me and took the time to let me know it. 
  • I participated in an internship program that provided mentors, speakers, and a small group that all poured into me and left me feeling…you got it, loved
  • Finally, I got hour after luxurious hour to read and think and be alone, to truly love myself. 

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The theme you should notice is that I was spoiled this summer. I was spoiled because people treated me like someone remarkable, someone smarter and funnier and more pulled together than I ever felt. They made sure to invite me to all their activities and never took offense when I declined to instead stay home and read. I always felt included but never pressured. And considering how many times I turned them down to read, that is saying something. 

Yet while I felt beloved for my reading and bug-killing abilities, I also felt the love did not stem from my personal attributes. I was surrounded by God-loving people whose love for each other stemmed from that love for God. Certain personalities might mix better and certain skills be more praise worthy, but at the end of the day, those things mattered less than the fact that each intern represented someone loved by God and thus worthy of love.

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I was spoiled this summer because I felt unconditionally loved. I was spoiled because I got to do work that interested and excited me. I was spoiled because I got to live in the incredibly beautiful mountains with no humidity. 

I called this a summer of remembering. Why? Because it was a summer of remembering that my worth is not in what I do, or where I live, or what grades I get. It was a summer of remembering who I am when not stressed, not busy, and not networking. A summer of just being…me. Was it hard sometimes? Oh, you bet. But for all that, it was a summer beyond my expectations. 

The thing I want to take away, the thing I need to take away, is that this path wasn’t the most natural, the most prestigious, or even the most sensible. But in the end, it was the most fulfilling. God knew what He was doing even when (especially when) I doubted the most. 

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(And because I couldn’t find the right place for it in this post, extra grateful shout-out to my awesome fellow legal intern, John, who now knows a lot more about Wisconsin’s Supreme Court, public sector labor law unions, and agency deference than he ever could have wanted, but who always let me interrupt him and patiently listened while I rambled away. Thank you.)