Bethany: “Me getting a splinter was the most interesting part of your day?”
Yes, yes it was.
Bethany got a splinter at work today. It was an impressively long one and went deep into her thumb. As soon as we got home, she made a beeline to the bathroom to pull it out.
Alas, like many things in this apartment, she decided I was woefully unequipped.
Bethany: “Do we have needles?”
Me: “Probably. Grandma gave me a sewing kit. But I’m not sure where it is.”
Bethany: “How about a push-pin?”
Me: “Oh, I’ve got one of those.”
Bethany: “What are you handing me?”
Me: “I think you are supposed to use it to start a cell phone. But it looks nice and pointy.”
Me: “Oh look! I found the sewing kit. Want me to sterilize the needle?”
Me: “What candle to use?”
Bethany: “What are you even talking about?”
Me: “You know! You stick the needle in the flame and it kills the germs.”
Me: “The only candle I have is Tahitian Coconut.”
*Bethany sticks the needle in the flames*
Bethany: “That did not work.”
Me: “Why did it turn black?”
Bethany: “Don’t we just have rubbing alcohol?”
Me: “Sure!” *manages to squirt everywhere*
Bethany: “Okay, I dug it out. Now I need tweezers so you can pull it out.”
Me: *produces tweezers*
Bethany: “Why are they so big? Fine, sanitize them.”
Me: *sticks in the flame. They turn black.* “Well, that didn’t work.”
*cleans with rubbing alcohol*
Bethany: “Why are your hands shaking? All you have to do is pull out the splinter!”
Me: “I don’t like this stuff. I could not be a doctor. Wouldn’t it be funny if I fainted? What a blog post.”
Bethany: “That would not be funny.”
We got the splinter out. I did not faint. Movies lie: candles do not work for sterilizing things.